Here in South Carolina, trucks are a big deal. They say a lot about who you are and what’s important to you.
A nice work truck shows people you’re a professional, but can still get dirty and haul things when needed. A well kept, slightly older truck implies you’re the kind of guy who takes care of your things and values classic quality over the latest trends.
I pulled out behind a jacked up F-250 with 36″ tires and a tattered American flag flying from the metal diamond plate toolbox the other day. The white paint was covered in fresh mud and the exhaust was loud enough to wake the neighborhood. I’ll skip the temptation to talk about an inferiority complex and comment on this bro’s identity instead.
His attitude was all over his vehicle and he likes to be noticed. He wanted people to think he’s outdoorsy, tough, and doesn’t mind getting dirty. As he passed me in my station wagon, he was grinning from ear to ear, just enjoying his truck and his exhaust pipes.
He IS his truck.
Losing Identity Is Rough
Sometimes vehicles fail you, though. Tires go flat. Transmissions blow. Timing belts snap.
Then what?
You’re stranded. All of the sudden, the thing you’ve put so much into has let you down. Your pride and joy cannot be counted on any longer. Your identity is tarnished or even worse, gone.
Fortunately for the bro driving the F-250, there’s always another truck in need of a new pair of muddin’ tires. The people who put their identity in their jobs, though, they’re in BIG trouble. Jobs and projects are finite, identity is permanent.
It’s not in there bud…
The people whose identity is placed in their work are the ones that never leave. They never have something pulling them away from the office. Their life IS the office. If they lose their work, or get fired, or their company fails… they lose themselves.
Been There, Done That
When I left the furniture company, I was the company, and the company was me. Not in a “this place only runs because of me” sense, but more in a “this place is the most important thing in my life” sense.
When the separation happened, I was lost.
Much of what I’ve written since 2013 is the journey I’ve been on to find a new course. The blog serves 2 purposes. 1.) it lets me work through my ideas 2.) to teach others so they don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made.
Learn from my experience, don’t base your self-worth on your work.
Christianity, whether you are a believer or not, gives a perfect illustration of not basing your life on your work. Jesus tells us to put our faith in him above all else – cars, work, even family. Because if when something happens in one of those areas of life, life goes on without them, whether you like it or not.
If you’re stuck on a job you lost, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon. Hello, depression. Hi there, sweatpants. What’s up, Netflix documentary marathons.
I learned this lesson backwards. My hope is that you can learn it forwards.
How to Find Your Identity
If you let your work become your identity, you’ll always be unfulfilled. There’s a stark difference between working to live and living to work. Most of us live to work, I know I did for a long time.
What happens when we turn the table and we begin working to live is magical. We focus on what’s really important in life – our faith, our loved ones, the big changes we want to make in this world – and we stop letting our work dictate every second of our lives.
I cannot tell you where or how to find your identity, I don’t know the answer to that. I believe everyone has their own path and needs to forge their own way. I had to rewrite this post six seven times, battling the temptation to get on a soap box and “teach people” how to find their identity. I’m not a guru and I don’t claim to have those answers.
What I do know is what worked for me.
I made a hard split from work I loved and at which I excelled. The first, and best thing I did for myself in those days was write. Some people write for themselves in journals or log books. I am about as transparent as they come so I published my work. I wrote for 90 days straight, dumping buckets of emotion, experience, and ideas into this blog. I could probably be sued, but I consider the mental clarity worth the risk.
The second thing I did was NOT sit still and wait for opportunity to drop out of the sky. That whole Netflix bid, that wasn’t me. I volunteered, I tried to start a company with my friend, and I put myself out there to help people around me. I had my share of downer days, just ask Katie (she’s the best) about it. But there were more “get off your *ss and do something” days than there were “woe is me” days.
I read a quote this morning in Tribal Leadership: Leveraging Natural Groups to Build a Thriving Organization
“Those who will be truly happy will be those who sought and found how to serve others.”
– Dr. Albert Schweitzer
Said service lead me to job opportunities, connections, and paths I never dreamt would happen.
Finally, I picked a big hairy audacious goal on which to set my sights. I am writing a book about an incredible experience I had in college as a football player for Charleston Southern University. I’ve been working on it for almost 2 years and there’s still a ton to do.
This is huge for me. I’ve never published a (real) book in my life. I didn’t grow up reading and writing and aspiring to be an author. In the years after college the extent of my writing was contained in Microsoft Outlook… And now I’m going to publish a book.
I found things in which to take pride. Things I dictate with my personality, not things that dictate my personality. They don’t consume me, but they do drive me. My hobbies, my work, my faith, my writing, my family, my goals, these are all things that compose me. If one part goes away it’s going to suck. But you know what, it won’t be the end of me.
You’ve heard my story. How will you go about finding your identity?
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Leave me a comment or chat with me on Twitter, I’d love to hear from you. Have a great weekend!
